I have spent the past week moving all my entries from this site. Actually from both sites. There are a lot more that needs to be done before I fully close these sites down, but just wanted to let any of my readers that are still around that I have moved, I will NOT be actively writing here. If you wish to follow me at my new blog, please leave a note here and I will send you an invite. My new blog will be by invite ONLY come this Friday, the 23rd. There are many things I would like to sit and blog about, but as of now I can not. Come Friday I will be posting more on my new blog. For now, I am still working mainly on the transfer.

This will probably be the last post I write here. It will stay up until I have fully moved over and am ready to take this site down.

I sat down this month, with many things on my mind.
I opened my blog website and sat at a new entry screen for hours.
I had just walked through the door after walking the kids to school, and I knew I had many things I wanted to write about. Many feelings I needed to just get out of me. And as I started typing, releasing the thoughts, feelings, and emotions into words, I was feeling better. Yet something itched at me, at the back of my mind. I stopped.
I took the time to reread every word I had typed. I sat back. I thought.
Who would read these words if I clicked the publish button? Who will see what I have written? Will these words come back to bite me in the end?
So I held the backspace button down. I deleted, erasing my thoughts. And I stared at the now blank screen in front of me.
I felt right and wrong all at the same time. Right, because I don’t want to deal with drama. Wrong because this is my space, where I set aside to write my thoughts.
Why did I do that? What made me erase all that I had written?
The Unknown.
Did someone get past my blocks again? Is this person reading my enteries again? Does this person, who can’t seem to let me be, knowing my thoughts again?
How I hate this. How I despise this.
Seven years of this and I still let it effect me. Why?
Because I don’t like this unknown. I don’t like not knowing. It is hard to track her when so many good friends live in the same area as her. So how do I know she hasn’t gotten around my blocks? I don’t. And that scares me.
So after closing the window, closing forever the entry that got me thinking, I opened a new window, created a new account, and started the process of moving everything over. It will take several days to move several years worth of thoughts, feelings, and emotions. It will take even more days to move everything from the family site also. But in the end, nothing will remain at what has been mine for nine years.
I have let this person run me again from my haven. Seven years of running, and it has now added in giving up something I had bought for myself before I even entered this family. My website. Come January, it will be gone. My server taken down, wiped clean and ready for the next person to come along and make it theirs, with no trace of me having spent nine years there.
I keep telling myself it is for the best. That is money saved. But in all reality, it is nothing more then another run. How many more years will I run? How many more will I keep hiding? When will I have my place, away from all of the fear of this one person getting in and ruining my haven yet again?

Hey everyone….

My computer crashed last night, I have lost all emails, websites, and private passwords…. If you would please, email me at sea.chellers @ gmail . com please please please….

Thank you… Now, I have to find a way to get my Office Enterprise back on my computer without the dange disk… I should keep better track of those…. off to continue working on getting my compuer back up and running…

I had been planning to head down to Trier to do some touring for a while now. There are just too many interesting buildings down there to pass up. I had been planing it to be a family outing, but then finances got really tight. As in, when I looked at the bank account on Saturday before getting ready to take off, I saw we only had around $300 to last two weeks. We still had a grocery trip to make, so pulling any money out for the trip would be a no go, and for lunches, we would need money, along with admission to some of the places… I had only 40€ on me, not enough to take a family of 6 anywhere….

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My friend had her baby boy today. She was admitted to the hospital on Wednesday for an induction, but she was not dilating. I sat on pins and needles all day Wednesday, and fidgeted alot while I got my hair done. But nothing came of it. Her mom emailed me several times and I kept her as up to date as I was. Which of course wasn’t that much.

Nothing happened Wednesday at all. The night ended with no changes and I waited most of the morning for news. Finally, before I headed to take Derric to school, I got a message that she had finally dilated another centimeter.

Then, around 5:30, the dad to be called. He sounded sad, and said she was being prepped for an emergency C-Section. The baby’s heart rate was dropping. This was not news I wanted to hear. As soon as I was off the phone with dad-to-be, I called Kevin. He said he would call me back, and I knew exactly what that would mean. I got things ready, and did the most heart breaking thing I ever had to do, I called the Grandma to be. I called my friend’s mom and had to tell her that her baby was going in for a C-Section. I told her I was getting prepared to head to see her son-in-law and promised to call once I got back. She thanked me and I headed off once Kevin got home. We had made it to the entrance to Trier from the hill pass when dad-to-be called and announced he was now a dad. Mom was ok. Thank goodness. I told him where we were and we continued on.

We made it to the hospital and headed up to the floor I knew they would be on. Then proceed to call dad to let him know we were there, but was unable to get a hold of him. Just as I was getting frustrated, the liaison came out and told us mom should be out soon. Dad called me finally and I told him we were right outside the doors to where I knew mom would be taken. He said he would come get us soon. And they did.

It was sooo good to see both mom and baby very healthy. Baby had gotten tangled in the umbilical cord and needed to be taken out via C-Section. They were both beautiful, mommy glowing from the birth. Baby being a beautiful baby. Kevin took many pictures. We got some really good ones.

but for now, I need to get back to uploading the pictures to her myspace..